Somebody's wearing a diaper in your attic. He wants to
give you a twig he found under the forest. But he's keeping the other
one for himself. If you're not careful, he will drop a housepet into
your freezer when you are asleep in bed. And then he will stare at you
for a really long time before sprinting through the nearest wall. You
will find him in Canada, plucking feathers from an unhappy chicken.
Is it wrong to eat a child's bib?
So, last month, I was just walking on the floor using only my ears, when suddenly a luxury sedan crashes through the roof and bright-lights me. I tripped and fell down the stairs, only to be stopped dead in my tracks by a banana. I would have found that ironic, but there were no irons anywhere. Also I injured my arm. Somewhere in the world, an opera singer was giving birth to what I can only assume is now a baby human and not a velociraptor. Anyway, I was revived by a dwarf wearing a gas mask who then proceeded to carry a single pant to the hospital. I figured it was high time I ate a AAA battery. I instead ingested a child's handheld video game; it tasted like hard drive. That's when I became a biological hazard. I went to the hospital, walked up to the lady at the counter, and said, "My ankle can breathe on you." So she gave me a Pokémon card and began to krump silently. I deposited a crappie into the file cabinet and was on my way, to the Titanic. And beyond. A few weeks later I finally got treatment for my injured arm. It was done by a surgeon, whose name was Butch R. Bloodworth. In retrospect, I should have been concerned. But since I didn't realize anything strange until yesterday, I just now gave my surgeon a birthday present. It was a scorpion.
I'm thinking of opening a chain of inconvenience stores. Open 24 hours a year and you can only pay with nickels. Everything is on a shelf that is out of reach, the clerk is almost always on a coffee break, and all that I sell are balloons and whipped cream. We'll make sure to have everything you're not looking for and nothing you are. The restrooms are always out of order, and the "Caution: Wet Floor" signs are always in front of the drink fountain, which dispenses only carbonated water. And the clerk only speaks conversational Polish. We can call it Mall-Wart.
Three days from now, my cousin was deaf, so he didn't hear the bear coming. His last words were, "Trust in nature. She will reward you with baked goods." Everything else he said was really just a collection of nasal sounds and politics. I am the shrimp winner. I just threw a pastry in the wishing well and was promptly hit by an eighteen-wheeler bearing dancing children with tiaras and antipsychotics.
CLANK goes the madame's head, and BOOM go the teleprompters. "TICKLE THAT FAT MAN!" they all shouted. And there was much rejoicing. We have chemistry labs, we have biology labs, and we have math labs. Not to be confused with meth labs. I started six riots with only a pudding, and you can't handle the job of "dinosaur supervisor"? You had one job, Frank. One job. Please tell me you brought a match, because duck salad. I ran through the school hallways with a cactus in my wheelbarrow, and everyone flew.
You can spank anyone with a butt, but I wouldn't recommend it.
Is it wrong to eat a child's bib?
So, last month, I was just walking on the floor using only my ears, when suddenly a luxury sedan crashes through the roof and bright-lights me. I tripped and fell down the stairs, only to be stopped dead in my tracks by a banana. I would have found that ironic, but there were no irons anywhere. Also I injured my arm. Somewhere in the world, an opera singer was giving birth to what I can only assume is now a baby human and not a velociraptor. Anyway, I was revived by a dwarf wearing a gas mask who then proceeded to carry a single pant to the hospital. I figured it was high time I ate a AAA battery. I instead ingested a child's handheld video game; it tasted like hard drive. That's when I became a biological hazard. I went to the hospital, walked up to the lady at the counter, and said, "My ankle can breathe on you." So she gave me a Pokémon card and began to krump silently. I deposited a crappie into the file cabinet and was on my way, to the Titanic. And beyond. A few weeks later I finally got treatment for my injured arm. It was done by a surgeon, whose name was Butch R. Bloodworth. In retrospect, I should have been concerned. But since I didn't realize anything strange until yesterday, I just now gave my surgeon a birthday present. It was a scorpion.
I'm thinking of opening a chain of inconvenience stores. Open 24 hours a year and you can only pay with nickels. Everything is on a shelf that is out of reach, the clerk is almost always on a coffee break, and all that I sell are balloons and whipped cream. We'll make sure to have everything you're not looking for and nothing you are. The restrooms are always out of order, and the "Caution: Wet Floor" signs are always in front of the drink fountain, which dispenses only carbonated water. And the clerk only speaks conversational Polish. We can call it Mall-Wart.
Three days from now, my cousin was deaf, so he didn't hear the bear coming. His last words were, "Trust in nature. She will reward you with baked goods." Everything else he said was really just a collection of nasal sounds and politics. I am the shrimp winner. I just threw a pastry in the wishing well and was promptly hit by an eighteen-wheeler bearing dancing children with tiaras and antipsychotics.
CLANK goes the madame's head, and BOOM go the teleprompters. "TICKLE THAT FAT MAN!" they all shouted. And there was much rejoicing. We have chemistry labs, we have biology labs, and we have math labs. Not to be confused with meth labs. I started six riots with only a pudding, and you can't handle the job of "dinosaur supervisor"? You had one job, Frank. One job. Please tell me you brought a match, because duck salad. I ran through the school hallways with a cactus in my wheelbarrow, and everyone flew.
You can spank anyone with a butt, but I wouldn't recommend it.
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