Pat, the Magical Boat-Driving Cabbage

If I had a son, I would name him after a dairy product. Not because I like dairy products but because he will probably look like an amorphous sample of aged, moldy cheddar. I think he will become the first cheese President of the United States, which will be a huge step toward real minority representation in America. And now it's time to meet Pat, the Magical Boat-Driving Cabbage. And Sam, the accountant. I met a prophet once, but all he did was make toothless smiles at his pet clone, like non-stop, so I stuck like thirty-seven pills in his mouth and ran away. Now leave me alone, I need to go help a fireman eat stamps off an envelope addressed to Harlem Shake III. Why, Martha, I do believe I've discerned the reason I hate kissing you: you are apparently a single earmuff.

Ribosomes get all up in that nucleolus and synthesize the heck out of polypeptides, yeah buddy. Yeah buddy. Yeah buddy. Yeah buddy. Sneeze on that toddler.

When you wake up in the morning, it is important that you leave the bed facing the correct cardinal direction. You should never get up on the left side. That's the Devil's side. Michael Jackson’s “Man in the Mirror” is really depressing to vampires and you're a little bit off key. It's a no from me. You sound like shhhpmump CLANGAKEEEEEEE with a little bit of ranch dressing. Let's finish this off with a steak cut in the shape of a trout. Thank you, dearie.

Is that a fat joke? Are you gonna finish it? Can I eat it? Please? I haven't eaten in three days. Three days. Please they're going to destroy my front door with a series of couches and I cannot stop them.

Three days. To make that potato salad.

Gawin? Yes hello, Gawin. This is the college of accepting you. Please join the classing course instructor meeting university sememster. We are offering you a tomato and scholoarship. Please Gawin Lemony melon time judge. Supreme register now thanking because we need your academic studenter. Please Gawin gives us yourn moeny. coMe to our newniversitys. Gawin.

Crazy popping lice factory, give us your hair.