Precious Magma Socks

I wish some people were made of bacon so I wouldn't feel so bad about eating them. I mean I was really looking forward to a meeting with Will the Briefcase Man, but he did not arrive. Totes gonna eat you now, Will. And even if I was hungry, I wouldn't throw a kleenex in your freezer if you had a bodyguard who happens to be a gaudy bard. Smacking foreign dignitaries in the face with smoked ham is pretty much never a good approach to calculus unless you're under the radar and over the speed limit. Three toes is all I have.
 
Let me tell you, I was just swimming to my castle in Englireland when suddenly Mr. Tubs-in-Pants starts throwing exploding cats at my yacht, which was at the time preoccupied with the task of not existing. That's downright splanky. What is the deal with yacht? The "ch" is completely unnecessary. I mean maybe you could keep the letter h in there but why the c? It just ruins everything. Much like your FACE. I'm sorry I didn't mean that. And I didn't mean that either. This would all go a lot more smoothly if you didn't have winged wings.

Anacondas. The perfect pet for very very old people.

Do you realize that the last time I posted here was one year ago? I think I need to shorten these posts so that is a thing that will probably happen now I don't care. I love it. Paging Dr. Paging. That doesn't look like "page-ing" it looks like "pa-ging." BINGO! Norton Antivirus is now green. I close the door in your face and present you with precious magma socks. So friendly.

I will look at Shia Labeouf's twitter account specifically when I'm not troubleshooting my computer with a semi-automatic hunting rifle, and this is Mr. Peanut, he makes business cards for drug dealers, and he is a legume.  Welcome to Inc Inc. "We put the O in execution." And if you're thinking about popping seventeen water balloons in MY LOBBY you've got another COMGING please keep your hands and feet inside the cool roaster at all times. Do you think you could read the words "cool roaster" wrong? It's like a dozen fat people lunging for the same bowling ball and none of them are wearing hands.

My kidney is a genius.