Old people generally have wrinkles, which makes them kind
of like a Grand Canyon, except that their faces weren't eroded by a
river for millions of years. Then again, neither was the Grand Canyon,
yo. I went to the Grand Canyon once. Atmospheric perspective makes
everything look blue, so it looked like everyone was being photoshopped
into an old postcard photo. Also, I sat on a rock that was above the
ground, but the ground was keeping its distance because everyone knows
that dirt is very particular about its personal space. I got yelled at
for sitting on that rock, so I apologized to it and proceeded to fall
all the way down the Grand Canyon. But don't worry, I survived.
I landed in the water, and as Hollywood has taught us so very well, falling from any height is survivable as long as you land in water. Terminal velocity? Psh. I eat that for breakfast. Seriously. Goes great with eggs. Green eggs, to be exact. Green eggs and ham. Sam I Am wouldn't have to tell me twice.
Sam I Am must have a really hard time introducing himself. "I am Sam I Am." Or, if he wants to talk like Yoda (who doesn't?), "Sam I Am I am." And people would be like, "What? Sam a yam? Are you a yam?" And of course, Sam I Am would be like, "Yes, I am a yam, for Sam I Am I am, ma'am." But I'm not a lady.
You know what you need? Of course you don't. It's cabbages. You need them. And they need you. You were made for each other. Don't question me. I'm a unmatched matchmaker making even matchmakers match up like peas and carrots. Jenny.
So, I'm sure that you are wondering how my day has been, because how could you not be? I know, right? WRONG it's left. Anyway, I woke up before noon so that I could attend my music appreciation class, where I got in a circle and danced with girls in the style of the Irish, except I wasn't drunk. Shortly therebefore, I left to purchase a calzone and exactly two bottles of rootbeer because I am a fan of delicious flavor. The calzone had chicken in it. The rootbeer did not. At least not at first. Anyway, I returned and consumed half of the calzone; I am digesting it now. I then threw an IFO at people for a long time, and I discovered that frisbees are attracted to moving cars. That driver was not happy. I hope his face is okay.
That guy over there in the corner is a horrible human being.
I landed in the water, and as Hollywood has taught us so very well, falling from any height is survivable as long as you land in water. Terminal velocity? Psh. I eat that for breakfast. Seriously. Goes great with eggs. Green eggs, to be exact. Green eggs and ham. Sam I Am wouldn't have to tell me twice.
Sam I Am must have a really hard time introducing himself. "I am Sam I Am." Or, if he wants to talk like Yoda (who doesn't?), "Sam I Am I am." And people would be like, "What? Sam a yam? Are you a yam?" And of course, Sam I Am would be like, "Yes, I am a yam, for Sam I Am I am, ma'am." But I'm not a lady.
You know what you need? Of course you don't. It's cabbages. You need them. And they need you. You were made for each other. Don't question me. I'm a unmatched matchmaker making even matchmakers match up like peas and carrots. Jenny.
So, I'm sure that you are wondering how my day has been, because how could you not be? I know, right? WRONG it's left. Anyway, I woke up before noon so that I could attend my music appreciation class, where I got in a circle and danced with girls in the style of the Irish, except I wasn't drunk. Shortly therebefore, I left to purchase a calzone and exactly two bottles of rootbeer because I am a fan of delicious flavor. The calzone had chicken in it. The rootbeer did not. At least not at first. Anyway, I returned and consumed half of the calzone; I am digesting it now. I then threw an IFO at people for a long time, and I discovered that frisbees are attracted to moving cars. That driver was not happy. I hope his face is okay.
That guy over there in the corner is a horrible human being.
No comments:
Post a Comment