Don't call me Ishmael. That's not my name. Call me
Cornelius. That's not my name either, but you can shorten it to 'Corn,'
and how awesome is that? Super awesome, that's how.
I'm sure you're asking your computer monitor, "But why, Corn? Why are you here and not dating the thousands of women that pile at your front door every evening?" The answer is simple. Because if I were to date just one of those women, all the other women would get very jealous. Thus, they would become very womean (See what I did there?) to one another. And I promote peace. Like a boss.
Now, keep in mind, I'm no girly hippie. I would never, say, occupy Wallstreet or anything stupid like that. No, no, see, I am a strong believer in hard work and also strong-ness. And I'm even in support of wars. Let's just make them peaceful wars. Can't we all get along violently? Here's an idea. Let's catch Kony. He's been streaking all across Africa, and really, nobody wants to see that. Therefore, I propose that we set up a sort of naked-trap, to catch any and all nudists that come sprinting through the jungle on a daily basis. This way, we can catch Kony and all of his nudy friends.
One thing that's hard to forget is memory. Even if you have short term memory loss, you are thinking, "I can't remember what you just said. My memory is not working today." So as you can clearly tell, even when you forget everything, you can never forget that you can't remember. And that's a fact. Now.
If you will excuse me, sandwich, I want to go take a shower. The woman-pile at my door is beginning to overwhelm the flying buttresses of my house, and I would much rather smell like lilacs when my walls cave in on me.
It's not really pasta.
I'm sure you're asking your computer monitor, "But why, Corn? Why are you here and not dating the thousands of women that pile at your front door every evening?" The answer is simple. Because if I were to date just one of those women, all the other women would get very jealous. Thus, they would become very womean (See what I did there?) to one another. And I promote peace. Like a boss.
Now, keep in mind, I'm no girly hippie. I would never, say, occupy Wallstreet or anything stupid like that. No, no, see, I am a strong believer in hard work and also strong-ness. And I'm even in support of wars. Let's just make them peaceful wars. Can't we all get along violently? Here's an idea. Let's catch Kony. He's been streaking all across Africa, and really, nobody wants to see that. Therefore, I propose that we set up a sort of naked-trap, to catch any and all nudists that come sprinting through the jungle on a daily basis. This way, we can catch Kony and all of his nudy friends.
One thing that's hard to forget is memory. Even if you have short term memory loss, you are thinking, "I can't remember what you just said. My memory is not working today." So as you can clearly tell, even when you forget everything, you can never forget that you can't remember. And that's a fact. Now.
If you will excuse me, sandwich, I want to go take a shower. The woman-pile at my door is beginning to overwhelm the flying buttresses of my house, and I would much rather smell like lilacs when my walls cave in on me.
It's not really pasta.
No comments:
Post a Comment